Now that I am a little older–and maaayyybeee a little wiser, Sex and the City reruns kinda bother me. If you’re a fan, you can most likely relate to the problem I have with the series main character, Carrie Bradshaw. She may be an expert on “sex”, but if you followed her advice on dating and relationships, you might end up like her, chasing a man who is ultimately bad for her. All you “Big” fans out there I am sure are gasping and saying “What the hell do you know?”. Do you not remember the season where she met “Aidan”? She was in the best relationship with this beautiful man, and what does she do?? She cheats on him with “Big”, Mr. Wrong, the guy who always had her “on the hook” and she messed up the most functional, healthy relationship she was ever in. I lost all respect for her when she did that to Aidan, and honestly, have resolved to never end up like a Carrie Bradshaw. But, I do know people in my life who have done that, messed up something perfect because the drama was missing in their lives. Why is the absence of drama a problem in a functional, healthy relationship?

When we are accustomed to unavailable men, we somehow made ourselves believe that the chase was worth it. Because of these unrealistic TV shows like Sex and the City, we think it’s okay for men to let us chase them, meanwhile ignoring the fact that it makes us look needy and desperate. I remember asking one of my guy friends about a man I was interested in, and when I should call him. He said simply “Don’t.” He then went on to tell me that if a guy wants to see you, he will make it happen. And sure, there is less drama when we don’t have to chase him, but doesn’t it feel better when the guy makes the move, anyways?

We Are Not Used To Functional
When men suddenly become available, meaning no games, no acting like “Big”, we start to get that feeling that it may be too good to be true. We think that if we don’t get that stomach flip, which happens when we actually think we are going to lose them, that it’s not normal to be in a functional relationship. Whether it’s from bad past relationships, or if your parents relationship was rocky, we are trained to think dysfunction is normal. I had the same feelings after meeting the man I am with now. I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall, for him to suddenly stop calling me, to just stop talking to me. That is because I was always used to being treated like I was “on the hook” with other men, and I let them treat me like that. Why do women feel like they deserve that? I finally snapped out of it, and told myself the man that is worth it will think I am worth it and he will have to make the effort. I was done being a Carrie Bradshaw.

Eventually, shit get’s old. Men and their games, the chase, the players, it all eventually goes into a file of your past that you won’t bother to look at again. I am a firm believer that if you tell the universe what you want, you usually get it. And sure, as we all know, Carrie ended up with Big, and her world ended up a happy place. But, I still think she would have been a happy gal with Aidan. Maybe I have been too hard on Ms. Bradshaw, because she probably wasn’t ready for the functional relationship with Aidan. You have to be ready for happiness, and leave the drama behind